Based on true stories…

 

Whenever you seek support, use these tips to resolve issues as fast as possible:
1. Use as general description of the problem as possible, like “major problem”, “big issue”, “nothing works”, etc. without any details. Sure thing that support staff can read between the lines and will spot the problem by themselves as they know everything.

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2. Always start your communication with an insult or threats and don’t forget #1. Support staff will immediately see that you are serious about your request. Also, people really like threats  and will be highly motivated to help ASAP. They will probably argue about who’s going to be the lucky one to reply.

3. Submit status update requests or multiple tickets every 30 min, or better 15. Support staff gets enthusiastic over someone sitting on their back and hurrying them up. It will get even better when combined with  #2.

4. Use a lot of words like IMMEDIATELY, URGENTLY, ASAP when something happens on one of you dev (non production) servers or installations . This really helps support define priorities.

5. Whenever support is asking you to explain the exact steps to reproduce the issue, don’t bother to explain and let support figure it out themselves. It will expedite resolution even more.

6. Do not bother following the exact steps that support suggests to fix the issue, as you certainly know Magento and all 3d party solutions better than everyone.

7. Combine all of the above steps, as combination gives cumulative and even multiplying effect.